7 Casting Changes That Could Have Saved Awful Movies

1.

15 hours in Photoshop.

2. 

I am a genius.

3. 

Starring four-legged Dolph Lundgren. A creature known to make Eldritch Abominations just wanna go home.

4.

Which, while we're on the subject of Lovecraftian horrors...

5.

I smell an Oscar.

6.

Replace Sophia Coppola with a bowl of wilted greens.

7. 

I'm not even sure this would work.

Hollywood, let me save you.

Is this irony? Or just dumb?

Habit 8: They know little verb.

Goodbye hangovers, I shall miss thee.

I miss being hungover after a morning of hard drinking. To be clear, I don't miss the projectile vomiting or the feeling that a particularly feisty rodent is looking for a way out of my skull. No, what I miss is that feeling of equity. I miss the sense that my body was doing me as much harm as I was doing it. Now that they don't come around anymore, it feels like I'm cheating. It's not like I can hear my liver calling for help, my esophagus can't exactly write social services. So good-bye hangovers. You'll never know what you did for me.

Included this in all the invoices I sent out today.

Best response gets a prize.

Just got this through the fax.

Any Kubrick fans responsible for this?

My boss told me to file this. I asked where it should go. He told me to make a folder for it. What the hell am I doing with my life?