HUH?!

Before embarking on this sanity-vampire of a blog entry, I recommend you go www.andreabejarano.com and take a look at the pretty things.

Back?


Cool. Time to tackle Kanye's twitter. HUH?!

I'm torn by what Ye means by this tweet. If the "us" in this tweet refers to people as a whole, then it's a tad inspirational. Alternately, Kanye West believes he owns the Earth and considers what he does "work".

Kanye West is against putting his money into gold because it doesn't actually shine like it does in cartoons. Alternately, "creativity" is the name of the gumball machine he is determined to get to the bottom of.

I think I need to take a closer look at this.

Sterling Archer has a message for you, Yeezy.

Top world DESIGNERS?! PLURAL!? Kanye knows not one, but multiple gods. I am freaking out, man.

Warning to parents: Kanye West is trying to teach your kids.

I'm not leaving out the context here. Trust me. I looked at his other entries for minutes trying to figure out what he was talking about. If this statement is in reference to something, it is a mystery to everyone except possibly Ye himself.

After being discovered by Kanye West, the noble assassins knew what they must do. They lifted their blades to their throats and slit their arteries. Kanye finds dishonor HILARIOUS.

HUH?!

Your local convent also doubles as a brothel and funeral parlor. The more you know.

I feel like exchanging ideas with Kanye would be like sexting with Cthulu. Trying to understand Kanye's mind is like popping a pancake in a Blu-Ray player you plugged into a pineapple and expecting your car to start.

Nobody knows what it means! But i's provocative! It gets the people going!

Wait. Just hold your horses for a minute. He was in talks to be a part of the FUCKING JETSONS movie and then got upset when someone realized how goddamn batshit that is?! That's batshit inside batshit inside batshit. SHITCEPTION.

I can't find the words to describe how suspicious those quotations make me. I haven't been this worried about a piece of punctuation since my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with an exclamation point.

This makes every other first world problem I've ever heard seem like an Ebola outbreak at a Gambian orphanage by comparison. Perspective is everything, kids.

Kanye West may not fully understand the importance of investor confidence.

Kanye West plans on doing some questionably legal charity work.

"Yes, and for dessert I'll have the scallop ice-cream soup." To be fair, Thom Yorke and M.I.A. together would make the greatest buddy cop movie of all time.

The tweet so nice, he posted twice!

Do we have any strong evidence that Kanye West isn't an eight year old perched on a fat kid's shoulders? It would explain so, so much.

Okay, we're straying from relatability again.

Mr. West should run for president. He has tons of credibility with the oh-so-vital working-class gay Nazi robot demographic.

And apple burrito and curly fries and a diet Pepsi and what the hell was I just talking about?

Kanye West turned into a curmudgeonly oil baron so fast even his fans were surprised. I wouldn't blink twice if I walked out on the street tomorrow and saw him wearing a Gucci monocle.

"Did I mention how humble I am? Overly humble even."

My brain feels like it just hiked up a mountain of loud cacti and then rolled down. The things I do for y'all...