- Did you know leases can include clauses for foreign invasion? Check yours, and if your landlord isn't planning for a siege by our "neighbors" to the north, ask for a rent reduction right away.
- Nobody with a business degree knows what discrepancy means.
- Sending black faxes to someone's fax machine isn't nearly as good as sending ten to their cell phone.
- People who mark every e-mail urgent are gonna be the subject of the 22nd century's equivalent of Aesop's Fables.
- Today, I saw enough highlighter to make me hate Wiz Khalifa. Black and Yellow? More like Black and BULLSHIT!
- Why does Adobe even have a scan as text function? Is it hoping the jumbled mass of ASCII it produces will act as some sort of technoNecronomicon?
- Today, I scanned a three year old Christmas card. For tax reasons. My soul hurts.
- Life is not an RPG, and if it is, you are wasting points by investing them in "Greater Resistance to Staples".
- I work for crazy people.
- Leases often include very specific, and ominous, clauses about Radon gas. I'm concerned. I think I'll report this to the proper authorities, namely: Coast 2 Coast AM.
- In business letters, the word "please" and all it's conjugations, have lost all meaning.
- If God was real, and actually played a role in writing scripture, descriptions of hell would involve a lot more staples.
- Fuck staples.
- I never thought I'd have to type "Re: Sales Tax and Catastrophic Events". I'm still not sure why I did.
- I work for crazy people.
- Making anyone write out dates in YYYY/MM/DD format ought to be punishable by beheading. Twice, starting from the crotch up.
- Rich people have terrible handwriting. Awful. Now, if you've seen mine this may seem like hypocrisy, but this has never stopped me before and it sure won't now.
- I scanned twenty gigabytes of paperwork today. For comparison's sake, every Batman comic made for the entire 70 years of the character's long and storied history add up to about fifteen gigs of comics. That's a difference of five gigs. Which is a hell of a coincidence, since today I lost a fifth of my soul.
- I have met multiple Cuban men with the first name McDonald. I know it's because their parents associate the franchise with America but I also secretly hope at least one of them ages long enough to become "Ol' Mcdonald". Farm optional.
- My boss routinely ends memos with "Govern yourself accordingly,". I work with crazy people.
- The word remit also means nothing to businesspeople, yet they seem to get orgasmic pleasure from using it.
- I work with crazy people.
- Gainesville tomorrow. I'll miss Miami, but I hope this time apart lets me capture some of that old magic, that or I'll get too drunk to remember my name and roll instinctively to the block. Either way, let's hang. On porches rather than ropes, but I ain't picky.
Be well.
About Me
- whydoihavetheinternet
- Miami, Florida, United States
- Every time I eat whole fish I fear for days that I have swallowed a bone. Perhaps my abdomen is absolutely lousy with them, I would have no idea. Thanks for coming and remember to take off your shoes before coming into the living room, I'm quite fond of the carpet.
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