BIGGEST POST EVER

SHAQ: Explained
 Like any living legend, Shaquille O' Neal has been the subject of much scrutiny. Over his career as a ball-player, actor and lunatic, Shaquille has been the victim of many criticisms: "He's lazy!", "He can't shoot free throws!", "He ate my horses!", etc. However, understanding is a powerful weapon and today, I hope to help you understand SHAQ.

This is a picture of George W. Bush surrendering the U.S.A. to Shaquille O' Neal. Shaq lost the nation to Bush later that night in a drinking contest.

Shaq spends a good portion of his day relaxing by punching white men in the armpits. Shaq's contract states he must have a bench within fifteen feet of him at all times in case a plane must pass overhead or gravity remembers he exists.

:o "Did I do that?" Yes, yes you did, Shaq. Fortunately, people seem to like this "Grand Canyon" so we'll um... blame it on erosion.

Shaq stole the uniform off a police horse and is intimidating the remaining Jacksons. Starting with Jermaine, the Fredo of the Jackson family.

Little known fact: Shazam is based off Shaq's real-life encounter with a genie. However in real life, Shaq wished to be big, strong and big.

Shaq mistook Phoenix, Arizona for a small Wild West town and has taken his favorite woman as a peace offering. Also, holy shit look at his chin. If his chin was a person, it would still be tall enough to be in the NBA.

On nights where he's not redirecting rivers into Appalachian villages for laughs, Shaq gets his kicks (size 32- ed.) making fun of homeless people.

Shaq is smiling because his leap into the ocean set the Atlantis reconstruction project back five years. 

Shaq is upset because his teammate is doing an accurate impersonation of him making love. 

Even Titans have to feel pretty sometimes, having run out of innocents to conquer, he attempts to boost his self-esteem by winning a drag contest at the School for the Blind.

Having run out of young suns to consume, Shaquille tries to eat people food. Poorly.

Shaq tries to be Grimace every Halloween. The results are not always pretty.