8. What you Ate Today
For a long period of my life, I would always eat bay leaves when they landed in my bowl. This led to certain Cuban and Creole (which are both Spanish words for "awesome") causing me significant amounts of intestinal distress. This continued until, around the age of twelve, someone educated (see, I'm still on topic) me on the proper handling of bay leaves. They suggested that instead of eating it, I toss it in the air and make a toast to Saint Lazarus.They educated me that doing so would please him and thus encourage him to use his great power to keep other undead bronze age farmers away from me and those I love. This has become my new routine and since I have had no problems with zombies or my bowels. So, quite obviously, I think education (still on topic! take that Joyce!) is extremely important.
10. Put your Music Player on Shuffle and Write the First Ten Songs That Play
1. Len- Steal My Sunshine
2. Len- Steal My Sunshine
3. Len- Steal My Sunshine
4. Len- Steal My Sunshine
5. Len- Steal My Sunshine
6. Len- Steal My Sunshine
7. Len- Steal My Sunshine
8. Len- Steal My Sunshine
9. Len- Steal My Sunshine
10. Len- Steal My Sunshine
My music player knows what I like. Often more than I do.
11. Your Family
12. Five Guys you Find Attractive
|Stevie Wonder could've seen this joke coming, in pitch black and from behind him.|
Sure, I'd like to be 6'5" and 340 pounds of muscle since there isn't too much I can do about it I'll just keep trying to eat better, work out and drink myself into an early grave.
14. What You Wore Today
Nothing but my six chest hairs and a Honduran cigar. Yes, ashing is a concern, thanks for reminding me. Days off are serious business, folks. #irony
15. Your Zodiac and If You Think It Fits Your Personality
16. Something You Always Think "What if....." About
Same as everyone else. What if Dinosaurs won World War Two?
17. Something That You're Proud of
|Those have still never been my hands|
|I'll just pick one, I'd hate to seem greedy.|
20. Your Fears
20b. Our Only Hope
|Give him the gun. Give him ALL the guns.|
21. How You Hope Your Future Will Be Like
|Well, that was easy.|
22. Your Academics
|I'll only need one, thank you. Just try and mess with the Hitch.|
23. Something That You Miss
|You may be wondering, "how can I miss an experience I never knew?" to which I reply "LOOK AT THAT SHIT!"|
24. Five Words/Phrases That Make You Laugh
|And lose every staring contest from now until forever? Nice try. You'll have to do better than that, Richards.|
25. Something You're Currently Worried About
|How this whisky is letting my cigar get awfully close to my bare loins. Not even Moses would have a chat with that burning bush.|
26. Things You Like and Dislike About Yourself
I have very good control over my vomiting. I once had a 24 hour stomach flu and threw up only once, when I heard Glenn Beck's voice coming from the neighbor's house. Also, one time, I was really good at throwing cards and I loved that, and now I'm okay at it, so I guess I like that about me. Many times people tell me I have nice hair, but I assume they're only saying that to avoid looking at my face. As far as dislikes, I hate every way in which I am not the three gentlemen above. I'm going to let science fix that. Bill "Rooster" Bogart is gonna be the coolest name EVER.
27. A Quote You Try To Live By
So, basically, I'm gonna be uglier than a retired bodybuilder who earns money putting out fires with his face.
28. Someplace You'd Like to Move to/Live
|Until I've scaled the tallest building and there's nowhere to hide from the rising tide.|
29. Five Weird Things You Like
1. People- y'all are fucking strange.
2. Miami- my dog is currently barking at a stray chicken. Stray. Chicken.
3. MSG- So wait? It just makes things taste good? Like anything? Huh?
5. Fluster. My own, that of others, once I even thought I saw a flustered bear, but it was a cat, and I was in a dream.
30. One Thing You're Excited For