About Me

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Miami, Florida, United States
Every time I eat whole fish I fear for days that I have swallowed a bone. Perhaps my abdomen is absolutely lousy with them, I would have no idea. Thanks for coming and remember to take off your shoes before coming into the living room, I'm quite fond of the carpet.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Now with more captions!

Friend, if you are still reading this, I salute you.


8. What you Ate Today


#garnishlove
9. How Important you Think Education Is


For a long period of my life, I would always eat bay leaves when they landed in my bowl. This led to certain Cuban and Creole (which are both Spanish words for "awesome") causing me significant amounts of intestinal distress. This continued until, around the age of twelve, someone educated (see, I'm still on topic) me on the proper handling of bay leaves. They suggested that instead of eating it, I toss it in the air and make a toast to Saint Lazarus.They educated me that doing so would please him and thus encourage him to use his great power to keep other undead bronze age farmers away from me and those I love. This has become my new routine and since I have had no problems with zombies or my bowels. So, quite obviously, I think education (still on topic! take that Joyce!) is extremely important. 


10. Put your Music Player on Shuffle and Write the First Ten Songs That Play


1. Len- Steal My Sunshine
2. Len- Steal My Sunshine
3. Len- Steal My Sunshine
4. Len- Steal My Sunshine
5. Len- Steal My Sunshine
6. Len- Steal My Sunshine
7. Len- Steal My Sunshine
8. Len- Steal My Sunshine
9. Len- Steal My Sunshine
10. Len- Steal My Sunshine


My music player knows what I like. Often more than I do.


11. Your Family


Uh...what?


12. Five Guys you Find Attractive
Stevie Wonder could've seen this joke coming, in pitch black and from behind him.
13. Your Opinion About Your Body and How Comfortable You Are With It


Sure, I'd like to be 6'5" and 340 pounds of muscle since there isn't too much I can do about it I'll just keep trying to eat better, work out and drink myself into an early grave.


14. What You Wore Today


Nothing but my six chest hairs and a Honduran cigar. Yes, ashing is a concern, thanks for reminding me. Days off are serious business, folks. #irony 


15. Your Zodiac and If You Think It Fits Your Personality
Virgo

16. Something You Always Think "What if....." About


Same as everyone else. What if Dinosaurs won World War Two?


17. Something That You're Proud of 
Those have still never been my hands
18. A Problem That You Have Had

19. Five Items You Lust After
I'll just pick one, I'd hate to seem greedy.
20. Your Fears
Zombie Prohibitionists.
20b. Our Only Hope
Give him the gun. Give him ALL the guns.


21. How You Hope Your Future Will Be Like
Well, that was easy.
22. Your Academics
I'll only need one, thank you. Just try and mess with the Hitch.
23. Something That You Miss
You may be wondering, "how can I miss an experience I never knew?" to which I reply "LOOK AT  THAT SHIT!"
24. Five Words/Phrases That Make You Laugh
And lose every staring contest from now until forever? Nice try. You'll have to do better than that,  Richards.

25. Something You're Currently Worried About
How this whisky is letting my  cigar  get awfully close to my bare loins. Not even Moses would have  a chat with that burning bush.
26. Things You Like and Dislike About Yourself



I have very good control over my vomiting. I once had a 24 hour stomach flu and threw up only once, when I heard Glenn Beck's voice coming from the neighbor's house. Also, one time, I was really good at throwing cards and I loved that, and now I'm okay at it, so I guess I like that about me. Many times people tell me I have nice hair, but I assume they're only saying that to avoid looking at my face. As far as dislikes, I hate every way in which I am not the three gentlemen above. I'm going to let science fix that. Bill "Rooster" Bogart is gonna be the coolest name EVER.

27. A Quote You Try To Live By

We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

I'm just following the Irish tradition of songwriting, the Irish way of life, the human way of life. Cram as much pleasure into life, and rail against the pain you have to suffer as a result. Or scream and rant with the pain, and wait for it to be taken away with beautiful pleasure.

So, basically, I'm gonna be uglier than a retired bodybuilder who earns money putting out fires with his face.

28. Someplace You'd Like to Move to/Live
Until I've scaled the tallest building and there's nowhere to hide from the rising tide.
305
A Scotland would be okay too.


29. Five Weird Things You Like


1. People- y'all are fucking strange.
2. Miami- my dog is currently barking at a stray chicken. Stray. Chicken.
3. MSG- So wait? It just makes things taste good? Like anything? Huh?
Motherfucking Ant-man
4. 


5. Fluster. My own, that of others, once I even thought I saw a flustered bear, but it was a cat, and I was in a dream.


30. One Thing You're Excited For

Expect something more along my usual lines next update. Thanks for reading and leave a comment if it pleases you. Take care, keep those glasses full and that temper hot.



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