Two good things about the worst eight movies of the last eleven years.

Just to show I'm not all fire and brimstone, I'm going to take eight films Wikipedia listed as the worst of the '00s (that's right, these movies are so objectively bad that an online encyclopedia says so) and say two nice things about each of them. I'll then likely need 16 aspirin. 


Battlefield Earth


Big fucking surprise here. SHIT! THINK BRAIN! THINK! Alright, I got it.


1. It makes scientologists look even dumber. "Oh, L. Ron Hubbard? The Battlefield Earth guy? He has a religion? That's cute."
2. Wicked sweet beards. On everybody. 


Yes! One down! Seven to go.


Freddy Got Fingered


1. Rip.
2. Torn.


From Justin to Kelly


1. This was filmed at the Venetian pool when I was like fourteen, and I tried to sneak on set with my girlfriend and we got caught but we didn't get in trouble. So I guess that's sorta good.
2. Justin's hair may hold clues as to future innovations in anti-physics. Big, crazy looking cues.


The Room


1. You now have a very good idea of what the San Fransisco skyline looks like. From all angles. 
2. You will feel significantly better about your abilities to write, act, speak and not look like hellspawn.


Gigli


1. Frequent readers of this blog must know how much I love Al Pacino yelling. This film is no exception.
2. It banished Jennifer Lopez to the world of American Idol, where she hopefully forever remains.


Catwoman


1. This movie had twenty-eight writers. So, for at least for a short period of time, this film fed 28 otherwise unemployable alcoholics. I can support that.
2. They had the decency to keep Batman out of it. Likely the only reason there weren't riots.


Alone in The Dark


1. As far as I know, this movie did not directly result in the death of innocents. I know some of you are thinking "well, that's hardly impressive", those of you are not sufficiently acquainted with Uwe Boll.
2. Uwe Boll once said this : "you don understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you don't see courage because you are nothing. and go to your mum and fuck her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it". Yup. As an adult. And despite his obvious mental issues, he made a video film. Good for him.


Birdemic: Shock and Terror


1. Without explanation, the birds in this movie explode upon touching the ground. This is a frightening thought. As this is a horror movie, I suppose that is a plus. 
2. Birdemic would have been a WAY better name for the Avian flu. I would've gone into hiding. Take note, CDC.