Once more into the breach!

I've been wanting to do this for a while. But to be honest, I've been scared shitless. Nonetheless, as a sacrifice for you, my loving and adoring (in my head anyway) fan base. #lovequotes, here I come!

Don't you get it? 150 FEET AWAY!

Occam's razor: he's drugging you.

Self-esteem for dummies.

I'm going to ignore the horrible formatting decisions and terrible grammar and focus on the fact that this girl really wants a threesome.

Also, forgetting to pluralize mistake. But yeah, I guess the falling thing sucks too.

Ooh! Someone gave me an instructional list! This gem is on how to win hearts, though I think they mean figuratively...bummer.

♥.Ways To Get To A Girls Heart.♥

1. Hug her from behind.

Does it count as a hug if it's unsolicited and unrequited? Also, is this dating advice or a guidebook to the Heimlich maneuver?

2. Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.

I have a sneaking suspicion she may stop walking next to you.

3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.

Chris Benoit's guide to love.

4. Cuddle with her.

Cuddle the SHIT out of her.

5. Dont force her to do ANYTHING!

Wait, what? You waited this long to put this on the list? oops.

6. Write little notes.

All over your walls, your clothes, your skin. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. It keeps them away. The girls will love you if you keep writing the little notes. Never stop writing little, little notes.All over your walls, your clothes, your skin. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. It keeps them away. The girls will love you if you keep writing the little notes. Never stop writing little, little notes.All over your walls, your clothes, your skin. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. It keeps them away. The girls will love you if you keep writing the little notes. Never stop writing little, little notes.All over your walls, your clothes, your skin. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. Never stop writing. It keeps them away. The girls will love you if you keep writing the little notes. Never stop writing little, little notes.

7. Compliment her.

"You barely act repulsed by my constant grabs at your hand!"

8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

But plan this carefully, if you are stronger than her, this can be a very long time.

9. Say I love you…..and MEAN IT!

Even if you don't!

10. Brush the hair out of her eyes

Or, and this is more important when applicable, wipe the eyes out of her hair.

11. Comfort her when she cries.

Which she will be doing often if you follow steps 1-10.

12. Love her with all your heart 

I'll agree, as long as you love your friends with all your loins. And remember, testicles before ventricles, ovaries before capillaries. That second one could use some work.


And finally, some terrible advice: 

In case of actual meteor shower, hail storm or apocalyptic event, please let go of each other. It will make it significantly easier to dodge the debris. 

I survived. I'm winded, my bones ache, and my esophagus is sore from the constant vomiting, but I made it. Expect another entry like this the next time I want to torture myself and can't find a working Celine Dion torrent.